Life goes on

Today I met a friend from university. She is facing one of the biggest changes that might ever happen to her in life, which is marriage. Her boyfriend is in the US air force, so when she gets married later this year, she'll soon be off to the US. She is practically giving up all her previous life to be together with this man of her choice. She seemed determined to live diligently to keep her career, but at the same time, very anxious about the whole environment change. 

We had a little face time session with another friend(who is actually our senior) that's living in Shanghai. He seemed really well, although he's practically a 'white hand' at the moment. To see him face to face, albeit on the screen of a small phone, after all these years was a bit weird and nostalgic. It reminded us of the days back in college, when we were all pathetic and gloomy, feeling anxious and scared about the unknown paths before us. 

Life goes on anyways. We are still wandering about, all taking our own chances in life. One is in China, one will be in the States, but who knows who will be where next? I tried not to feel jealous that they seem to have found their own paths. In an objective view, I am probably the most successful one since I am the only one who is currently employed. The truth is, however, that I am very insecure inside, and am envious that they are trying out different things that I am too scared to try. Life is a journey, so why should I be so worried? I know that I don't need to be, but I am. 

I don't know what I want to be, don't know what I want to do with my life, don't know why I am working here, don't want to end up here, but don't know what I should do next. Why can't I be more determined? Feel blessed of what I have got and seek to better myself in what I am doing? Why do I never feel satisfied, but do nothing about the fact that I'm not satisfied? Why am I so damn lazy? Do I just wish changes to happen? What am I waiting for? 

Questions flood my head, but my laptop is near dying and it's almost midnight. Time to go to bed and get ready to wake up to another dreadful Monday morning.